Saturday, 12 April 2008

Zanessa Break-Ups, Make-Ups and... FAKE-Ups

That should be my ugly head on Vanessa's body, grr!

You know, people are literally messaging me telling me I should be ‘lynched’ because I write Zanessa blogs. I think they have this preconceived notion that just because I write romantic stories between Troy and Sharpay in my FanFiction that I’m some kind of delusional living in an alternate reality where Zac and Vanessa aren’t doing the icky-icky. I’m sorry, kids... but they ARE.

I have no problem with people loving Zashley, Zikki, Zamanda or even Zuh-lollipop (come on, Zac is so hot when he’s sucking a lollipop... Oh GOSH!)


The Tizz is a sexy mo-fo in disguise, let’s face it. Whereas the Hudge is out there flaunting it with her obvious beauty, Tizz is more incognito and then you see some pictures from some appearance and it’s like –BOOM!- You just got served – I mean Tizzled! She’s a hottie in disguise.

That should be me too lol

Nikki Blonsky
... maaaan.... she turns me ON! Obviously I mean that in the non-lesbian, completely heterosexual way you silly bunnies. She is a big bundle of fun and hell, she knows she’s big, she knows there’s a million jealous tweens screeching ‘FAT BIIIIIIIIIITCH!’ at the TV screen every time they see the Link – Tracy kiss and she doesn’t give a shit. She’s another actress who was fortunate to gain this role and unfortunate that she inherited some of Zac and Zanessa fans as her personal hate club.


Well, kiddies, Zac’s moved onto Michelle T. (DAWN SUMMERS FTW!!!) so I suggest you move on too. I really hope it will be a funny aneurysm when ’17 Again’ comes out... (Spot the Buffy quote, you SMG freaks!)


Zamanda... well that was just me being silly. Sillier then Zuh-lollipop.
The truth is, I write about Zanessa but I am NOT part of any Zanessa forums (ZF link anyone? LOL!) or even Zac forums although I do peek at Zefron sometimes – it’s phenomenal and addictive!

The reason I write about them is because this is a blog about my weird ramblings and I do think Zac Efron is simply sublime so this is pretty much dedicated to my odd thoughts and often to the celebrity world revolving around Zac.

Zanessa is the same as Chris Brown and Rihanna or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes... it just is. It exists. It’s there.

The people who want to scrutinise this relationship to find all the ‘cute’ moments (seriously, have you noticed how many Zanessa fans always respond with ‘aww cute!’ to everything Zanessa related... that’s just what people say when they can’t think of anything inspiring or worthwhile to say!) and the people who want to scrutinise to find all their ‘weak’ points and either point their relationship out as ‘The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, aww!’ or ‘A Big Fat Publicity Stunt’ are just... silly bunnies. (Notice I substitute silly bunnies for a much ruder word).

Just like I don’t really give a damn about whether Zac and Vanessa are real or fake or whether, you know, they’re having phone sex to cope with this distance thing or not; I also don’t care about Tom Cruise and Katie, or Chris and Rihanna. I really don’t give a damn. I have better things to do – like worry about whether that stupid boy I liked really likes me or if he’s just using me for free burgers and chips because I work at a McDonalds. Grr.

Anyways, I suppose the point I’m trying to get at is... is it boredom? Is that why you’re so wrapped up in someone else’s relationship or so dedicated to destroying it... because you have nothing better to do with your life? There’s an amazing website that can help with that: Have fun, be free, release yourself from the Zanessa-chains!

Of course, I’m personally well and truly tied down to all that is Zac Efron and heck, I DON’T WANNA BE FREE. I know, I’m a big dirty stupid smug hypocrite. Watcha gonna do about it? Send me a virus? GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! I’M THE BIGGEST GEEK I KNOW, YOU CAN’T DEFEAT ME ON THE INTERNET- THAT’S MY DOMAIN! MUAHAHAHA.

Back to sanity. The amount of hate and anger that I see targeted at Zac and Vanessa just because they are in a relationship together kind of makes me feel... weird. Things like ‘Zac is dating a girl who showed her unshaven pussy to the world’ or ‘Ew, Vanessa’s fugly’ or ‘Zac is stupid! I hate him for going with Vanessa, so-and-so is better’... It’s kind of sad, as I’m sure you’ll all agree. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for team ‘BOO VANESSA’S NAUGHTY PICTURES’ and ‘BOO ZAC DATING HER AND NOT ME!’ but you know... this is a relationship. I’m sure you’ve all had relationships, some of you younger ones may understand what a relationship is through this example: ‘Ken and Barbie’, OK? Good.

If there was a ‘club’ or a ‘group’ set up online dedicated to destroying my relationship with someone then I would most likely use my IT skills to pull up their IP address, grab the nearest butcher’s knife and go on a little spree... But of course, not everyone is as fucked up as me! Most people just get upset. Upset = tension. Tension = bad relationships with people. Bad relationships with people = ‘Zac, the world is against us. Let’s just call it a day. Who are we to take on the world?!’

On the other hand, if you had a support group that tore down all the articles about you breaking up with your partner and nasty rumours like that... you would pull up their IP address, hunt them down and then – give them a hug! Well, that’s just me. And I promise, I’d leave my butcher’s knife at home.

Basically, I used to think Zanessa believers and Zanessa ‘fan-club-discussion-boards’ were evil little breeding grounds for little Nazi-Zanessa-drones but as Zanessa now exists and the media seems intent on destroying them... well, I was never one to stick to the status quo and I certainly have always been a romantic. Go Zac and go fully-clothed Hudgens! Hopefully, with fan support not just for their individual work but also for their relationship, they’ll do fine.
The only thing I worry about is those ‘freaks’ and ‘psychos’ you hear about (no, I’m not talking about myself, jeez...), the ones who delve into deep analysis of every article, every picture, every little everything and go as far as discussing the sex life of these stars.... Because, you know, honestly, I’m already scarred for life by that one time I saw two teachers doing the icky-icky and well... I could really do without the Zanessa visuals, you know?

Moral of blog? PEREZ MUST BE DESTROYED! OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT! And a little more on topic? Stop judging what you don’t know. Stop making up fairy-tales about what you don’t know. Zac, Vanessa and all other celebrities shit, fart, pee, eat, drink, sleep, smell, swear and get angry just like every other human being in this world. Don’t hate them for being human. If you judge them, then judge them on an equal plain along with yourself – they are human just like you. They’re not better then you but they sure as hell aren’t worse then you... unless, you know, they kill someone or something... then you can go nuts on the hate. Relationships are relationships no matter what context they are in. All humans have feelings. Eat 5 fruit and vegetables a day. Brush your teeth before bed. Work hard at school. Worship me as your superior. BLAH!

‘Til next time!


Anonymous said...

lmao perez must be destroy and obama for president. agree with you on both there! i love your blogs. thank you for bringing some sanity into our tween obsessions lol

blake said...

zanessa ftw! ur the best ever

danira said...

you are so right. i would hate people stalking me if i was in a relationship. people need to leave them alone. so called 'fans' too!