Saturday, 12 April 2008

You Know You Love Me.... Gossip Girl

Hey look it's the OC

Something amazing has happened! It’s like a Christmas miracle except, you know, minus Christmas and uh, also minus the ‘miracle’ part because it’s not really a ‘miracle’ that’s happened... it’s more like a cable network has tapped into my inner-most secret thoughts and bought me exactly what I’ve wanted ever since 2006:

A return to The OC!

And that’s exactly what those smart-ass marketing executives down at the good old TV networks have bought me. I mean, OK. It’s not called ‘The OC’ anymore but the same old characters are there... just played by different actors.


Yeah, see, there’s Marissa. Well, she looks more like a guy now (Mind the Chace Craword droolage, ladies!). ‘She’ is still Marissa, except for some weird reason they’re calling her Nate now. But it’s the same story: dad gets done for embezzlement and fraud *cough*Jimmy Cooper, anyone?*cough* and the mom seems to lack in morals because she’s too set in her plastic, ‘appearances are everything’ world. Oh, except the mom’s not a red-head this time and the dad also has an added drug problem. So what? Even I could’ve thrown that in there.

OMG it's the twins

Then there’s the Rachel Bilson-look-a-like who plays the ‘bitch’ known as Blair that, as we learn more, turns out to be a sweet-natured girl with a messed up family (but then again, everyone’s family is messed up so that’s nothing special about them in the least)... Oh wait, this is EXACTLY like Bilson’s character Summer Roberts on The OC! Wow, what a coinky-dinky-doodle.

oh wow, twins again!

Of course, Summer has Marissa. Well, Blair has Serena. I can’t really say much about Serena. I really want to but I can’t. Damn those smart writers for FINALLY thinking up an original character.


Ah, let’s not forget the ‘outsider’. Except this time he’s kind of nerdy... Wait a minute, wait just a freaking-Perez’s-fat-ass-minute, I see what happened here. They combined the character of Dan with a little bit of Seth Cohen (hence the hair, the nerdiness, the brains...) and a little bit of Ryan (hence the broad frame and the ability to deliver punches!). Wow. A mixture of Cohen and Ryan... what a delicious recipe. Still, if I wanted a Cohen or a Ryan mixed together, then I’d photoshop a grotesque creation of a two-headed man. I wouldn’t go to the trouble of making a WHOLE show about it. Jesus. What a waste of money. If you’ve got that much to throw around, people, then please, just GIVE. IT. TO. ME. I’ll be more than happy to lighten your load.


Then there’s the outsider’s little sister (total Kaitlin Cooper wannabe) who is pretty likeable but crossing over to the dark side. Basically, in little Jenny Humphries, we are seeing the transformation that Kaitlin Cooper went through when she went away to boarding school that turned her into such a bitch. Except Jenny has her family around her so she isn’t under the evil influence of bitchy boarding school girls all the time. So Jenny has HOPE!

Which brings me to the next point: this is a freaking boarding school so why are the kids always at home?! Probably so they can drag in a oh-so-original love triangle between Dan’s dad and Serena’s mother? Yeah, like I haven’t seen that in season one of The OC where Kristin Cohen and Jimmy Cooper reminisce about when they dated and then embark on a love triangle with poor Sandy Cohen in the middle. And lord, you call them PARENTS of seventeen to eighteen year olds? They’re not ‘old’-old. They look like the creators shipped over a bunch of the middle-aged, plastic-surgery-loving freaks from Newport over to New York.

Oh and I cannot leave out Chuck. He’s the only one I truly love. He’s the only character where I’m not snoring my head off and going ‘Seen it before!’ Then again, I’ve seen the Chuck-Blair relationship before except it was under more, shall we say, incestuous circumstances. I’m thinking ‘Cruel Intentions’ people, you know, Sarah Michelle Gellar before she was slaying us on Buffy, I’m thinking Ryan Phillipe before he broke Reese Witherspoon’s heart. Doesn’t pasty-faced Blair with her eating disorder and ‘disorderly’ ways remind you of a similarly pasty-faced Kathryn aka Gellar and doesn’t playboy Chuck remind you of Sebastian aka Phillipe?


Maybe I watch too much TV and too many movies. Actually, there’s no question about it. I do watch too much TV and way too many movies. 2004 is a famous year in my life: it was the year I lived in the cinema. Seriously. 365 days of the year, come rain, snow or hail- tornadoes weren’t keeping me away. At one point, I was getting my mail sent to the cinema’s address because I was always there. Nothing beats the movie experience. Yeah, nothing beats the movie experience until you discover that that seat which you always save for yourself right in the centre of centre row was where... *shudder* a drunk peed. Oh yeah. Put me off the cinema for life. I moved back home the next day, much to the happiness of my mother and distress of my little sister.

So maybe I do make too many comparisons and scrutinise every little detail of a show too much. But you know what, if I don’t do it, then who else will bug you with these irritating facts? Because they were on my mind and I just could not concentrate on the show until I unburdened myself of these faults I found in the show.

Gossip Girl is just The OC with an annoying voice-over? Maybe. But you know what? I am addicted! I am obsessed! I have a shrine at home dedicated to the show and which I worship ten times a day! The storylines have been used to death but we as people never get tired of seeing cute people on our television screens who are going through hell in their lives.

That’s why I’m tuning in. I don’t understand a word of what’s going on because every scene with Serena and I’m entranced by her lips... they are so sexy! Any scene with Nate and I’m lost in those eyes... they are so deep! Any scene with Blair and I’m just giddy with excitement... she’s so beautifully chic. Any scene with Dan and I’m wide-eyed with apprehension... any minute now he’s going to say something smart! Yep. The creators of The OC landed on a gold-mine when they realised that all you had to do was put a bunch of beautiful teenagers on screen for 45 minutes an episode and millions would tune in... just to look at the shiny, pretty people. Well, it’s why I’m tuning in! I’m shallow... so shallow that I can’t learn to swim... it’s a disability, seriously.

So yes. Gossip Girl equals amazing new show that’s coming to ITV1 in the UK later this year, so stay in tune for it. It will blow you away. The characters might be a little ‘ugh’ in the personality department but the storylines are good enough and hey, if even that doesn’t entice you, there’s plenty of cute boys to ogle each episode – and girls! See, there’s something for everyone.

One thing which bugs me is a racial bias The OC had. Never had I seen a black person become part of the ‘clique’. I mean, what, a Hispanic or a black guy can’t get a house in freaking Newport now? No wonder those dudes are stealing your car stereos you rich.....! Gossip Girl, however, has ethnic diversity so never say never to the creator’s redeeming themselves. Although... Dan’s childhood friend Vanessa, the lightly-tanned one (can’t figure out what she is), doesn’t she remind you guys of Theresa, the lightly-tanned childhood friend of Ryan? OK, OK! I’ll stop now... I just can’t help it. SO many similarities. It’s kind of annoying. Those darn writers can stay on strike! I’ve figured out how their doing what they’re doing; just recycling old scripts. Oh yeah, we’re onto you! So get back to work and bring me more episodes of Heroes! I’m seriously suffering from withdrawal symptoms... I’m breaking out in hives and I don’t want to scare anyone but... I also get constipation in these situations... *blush*

For my HEALTH, get back to writing another episode for Ugly Betty and maybe, just maybe, I can handle matters down there (no promises though!)

Haha, I love grossing out you guys.


Anonymous said...

"Gossip Girl is just The OC with an annoying voice-over? Maybe. But you know what? I am addicted! I am obsessed!"
i agree with u on that one haha i love it even though it is a lot like the oc cos the characters are jus lovable!

sendtherain said...

ROFL- Brilliant. I'm glad someone finally caught on that Nate, not Serena, is the Marissa.

Yeah, Gossip Girl is just The OC redux, but I actually think it's better. Like they got a chance to redo, so instead of ACTUAL pregnancy in season one, we just had to deal with maybe pregnancy.

gmail said...

>>Which brings me to the next point: this is a freaking boarding school so why are the kids always at home?!

Actually it's not a boarding school, just an elite private school in the UES. I just wanted to set the record straight.

zacefronfiction said...

gmail: Duly noted. Thank you!